SCREAMING AT 2017’S CHRISTMAS HORROR!

Howdy there, Scream Freaks! Wow, Christmas is right around the corner, and we’re keepin’ a sharp eye out for any holiday jeer that might interrupt our preparation for our season five premier next month. Killer street Santas, flesh hungry elves, sinister snowmen . . . you never know what cute Christmas character’s gonna jump outta the woodwork as a twisted nightmare lookin’ to deck your halls!

Speakin’ of which, if you’re like us, then you’re always on the hunt for the newest Christmas horror flicks as soon as Halloween’s over. This year’s no different, and we thought we’d give you a heads up on a few of the more notable releases this season.

BETTER WATCH OUT (2016)

When a psycho young’n makes his move on his favorite babysitter while his parents are away at a Christmas party, his demented affections escalate to kidnappin’ and murder that’s sure to put him on the naughty list. A dark little flick with surprise twists and turns, this sick brat keeps you on the edge of your seat just itchin’ to see him get his just desserts by the end. Stellar actin’, sharp cinematography, and full of Christmas spirit, but I don’t think this will be a Christmas horror classic per say since Christmas isn’t integral to the story or villain. Underage drinkin’, stabs in the face, baseball bats to the head, young’ns heads blown off, duct tape saves, manipulated idiots, foiled escapes, Home Alone paint can deaths, mower hangin’s, stabs in the neck, bricks to the head, and sicko twirps that need more than a spankin’! 4/5!

THE ELF (2017)

It’s Christmas Eve, and just when a holiday hatin’ human sloth thinks things can’t get any worse after his fiancé’s unsupportive family drops in for a surprise visit, he accidentally sicks a killer Elf on the Shelf knock-off on them that collects souls for its demi-god’s supernatural hunt. Unfortunately, this flick is more jeer than cheer, and that’s due to a draggin’ pace that makes me feel like me or the filmmakers are stoned with every reaction, movement, and line delivery movin’ at the speed of molasses. The characters, locations, and backstory are introduced in the most confusin’ ways, the wardrobe’s a joke, and there is zero chemistry among the cast which impacts the lead couple from bein’ anywhere close to convincin’. Cursed chests, wrecked geezers playin’ “VROOM!,” stabbin’s, young’ns with mouths sewn shut, toy trapped souls, giftwrapped sacrifices, CGI/puppet prop killers, marriage interventions, random snow, seizure showers, Olive Oyl cosplay, giraffe deformities, and co-starrin’ the Rollin’ Stones lips! 2/5! 

RED CHRISTMAS (2017)

While Dee Wallace celebrates Christmas down under with her Australian family, a horrifyin’ mistake from her past limps to her front door and asks for acceptance into the family he never had least he kills them all. Much better than I expected, this violent holiday horror hooks me with its drama and the mystery of the hulkin’ visitor cosplayin’ as a mummy but sadly loses all that momentum by the third act when it all progresses into a meanderin’ game of cat and mouse. And just to get it out of my system (SPOILER ALERT), when does havin’ Down Syndrome mean bein’ a super strong behemoth with a monstrous mug? Bear trap hats gone wrong, pissin’ on the poor, dick rippin’, strangulations, artists chopped in half, prego bangin’, stabbin’s, Christmas births, axe-wieldin’ abortions, explosive backstories, fatal gunshots, and axes through the head! 3/5!

MOTHER KRAMPUS aka 12 DEATHS OF CHRISTMAS (2017)

Don’t let the title fool ya, ’cause this ain’t really a Krampus flick but a movie ’bout one of his Eastern Europe associates, Frau Perchta the Christmas Witch. The children of a small town are disappearin’, and their panicked parents think it’s the fulfillment of a decades ol’ curse cast by a witch they lynched for supposedly killin’ their young’ns. With only a handful of families left hidin’ from Perchta’s punishment Christmas Eve night, the supernatural assassin of the naughty moves fast to round up the remainin’ rugrats and slaughter their folks for their sins. Despite Perchta bein’ falsely advertised as Krampus, she still proves herself worthy of spreadin’ holiday fear in her own feature. The actin’s decent, there’s some creative kills, and the musical score is waaay too good for this feature with unnervin’ drones and creepy renditions of Christmas tunes. The biggest flaws I gotta bitch ’bout mainly regard the script with characters repeatin’ the same backstory over and over again, a convoluted plot that can stand to cut or combine certain details, and loose ends with the fate of the captured brats that somehow plays into the bigger picture of keepin’ the last young’n safe. Disembowelments, innards stuffed with yard waste and Christmas lights, heart rippin’, human Christmas décor, axes in the head, burnin’ facials, strangers with candy, stabbin’s, turkey cosplay feasts, flesh cookies, mouths sewn shut, Candyman nods, blood lickin’, satanic inductions, family drama out the ass, and boyfriends literally eatin’ their girlfriends! 3/5!

These flicks might be horse short of an open sleigh ride when compared to classics like Gremlins, Krampus, or the Silent Night, Deadly Night series, but still worth a watch on those cold dreary nights ’round the Christmas tree. For a list that claims to be the ultimate in namin’ and rankin’ every Christmas horror movie ever made, check out this link HERE and cross reference potential films you wanna see with our own R-Rated Reviews to see if it’s worth your time.

In the meantime, be sure to catch up on all past Screaming Soup! Seasons, check out this week’s Howl’n Hottie, read recent reviews for the newer horror films and comics we’re checkin’ out in our blogs, R-Rated Reviews and Sequential Slime, and help us get the word out about the web’s #1 animated horror host show! Please use our social buttons in the upper right corner of the site and follow our tweets, subscribe to our video channels, like our Facebook, watch and share all our vids, and keep that fan mail comin’.

Warm up some Screaming Soup! leftovers with reruns currently playin’ on Beta Max TV and Sluggo’s The Vortexx!

See ya later, Scream Freaks!

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SCREAMING AT SEASON 4 FINALE UPDATES AND LEATHERFACE!

Howdy there, Scream Freaks! Halloween is upon us, and our biggest season yet is comin’ close to an epic end! Apologies for not releasin’ it at the usual time you’ve grown accustomed to, but this episode is pretty damn important, and we wanna make sure it gets done right! Multiple fights, lots of wrap-ups, teases at what next season brings, and four new reviews of Troma’s Toxic Avenger series! You can’t wait, and neither can we which is why we’re workin’ ’round the clock to get this up on Halloween or the day before.

While burnin’ the midnight oils, we did manage to see the new Leatherface flick, and tarnations what a stinker! That is, it’s an alright movie that’s well shot and acted, but it just didn’t need to be a sequel/prequel/remake/reboot/whatever to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series. Here’s what we had to say in our weekly R-Rated Review Blog here at the site:

LEATHERFACE (2017)

After bein’ taken away from his po’ hog raisin’ family for 10 years, a teenage Sawyer escapes the loony bin with a pack of crazies and makes his way back home on a killin’ spree while draggin’ along an attractive nurse as a hostage. As a stand alone movie, this ain’t a bad flick to check out with crisp cinematography, strong actin’, and more than one creepy moment. But as the newest entry in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series, this was worse than The Next Generation. The biggest problem bein’ this red herrin’ bullshit the filmmakers pull most the movie, makin’ us guess which escaped loon is even Leatherface, because the state pointlessly changed his name after he was committed. This is really distractin’ and completely robs me of the sick joy watchin’ a Chainsaw prequel/reboot/remake or whatever the hell this is in the series’ turbulent continuity. And when the real Leatherface does finally stand up at the very end, it’s such an ridiculous slap to the face that I’m left wishin’ for more Michael Bay chainsaw flicks! I’d recommend this to the casual movie goer and super die-hard Chainsaw fans, but it’s just gonna piss off a lot of us regular slasher fans lookin’ for a reunion with the Sawyer family. Rubber room riots, squished girls, roadkill disguises, gunshots to the face, head bashin’, mice stuffed in women’s mouths, boonie executions, evidence eatin’ hogs, pack of killer hogs, throat slittin’, decapitations, chainsaw chases, one human face mask, severed hands, cannibal meal preppin’, knives through necks, diner chaos, folks carved like turkeys, crazies hidin’ in dead cattle, and a burned-up woman havin’ a threesome with a corpse! 3/5!

So, now you have 3-4 Chainsaw timelines dependin’ on how lenient you wanna be with the details. Timeline one is TCM, TCM2, Leatherface: TCM3, and TCM: The Next Generation. Timeline two is Michael Bay’s TCM 1-2. Timeline three is TCM: Leatherface, TCM,  and Texas Chainsaw 3D. Or you could even accept a fourth timeline that’s TCM: Leatherface, TCM, TCM2, Leatherface: TCM3, and TCM: The Next Generation. A lot of you may not wanna include TCM: The Next Generation because of how awkward it fits into the timeline with Leatherface’s family and everythin’, but I like to think some powerful corporate nutjobs are conductin’ some wacko experiment with fear and somehow captured Leatherface to be one of the killers in the experiment.

We know a lot of y’all are gonna be partyin’ it up this weekend, so we raise our glasses to the spirit of Halloween and wish ya a memorable one! Don’t forget the night can promise as many tricks as treats, never tug on a ghost’s sheet, and keep those jack-o-lanterns burnin’. In case any of you are the head honchos throwin’ the party, feel free to use our Halloween Party Playlist over 250 songs (includin’ the Screaming Soup! Anthem) sure to give your hootenanny some giddy-up! Listen to it HERE and monster mash away!

In the meantime, be sure to catch up on all past Screaming Soup! Seasons, check out this week’s Howl’n Hottie, read recent reviews for the newer horror films and comics we’re checkin’ out in our blogs, R-Rated Reviews and Sequential Slime, and help us get the word out about the web’s #1 animated horror host show! Please use our social buttons in the upper right corner of the site and follow our tweets, subscribe to our YouTube channel, like our Facebook, watch and share all our vids, and keep that fan mail coming.

Warm up some Screaming Soup! leftovers with reruns currently playin’ on Beta Max TV and Sluggo’s The Vortexx!

If you need the hook-up with instant Troma and Full Moon movies, we’d suggest watching Troma’s films for free on their Youtube channel, and you can get full access to Full Moon’s catalog of work from their movies to their Videozone clips at Full Moon Streaming and their Amazon channel.

See ya later, Scream Freaks!

NEXT WEEK!

SCREAMING AT 2017’S IT!

Howdy there, Scream Freaks! As you must have heard, the new IT remake did really well at the box office openin’ weekend, and people are goin’ goofy over it! For those who care, we have our own two cents to share on the flick, and who better to present it than our favorite ghost girlfriend, Mandy! Copied over from her blog Mandy’s Screaming Reviews, here’s our thoughts!

. . . as Bill Denbrough might say.

The much-anticipated remake of Stephen King’s coulrophobic classic did not disappoint! In fact, IT (2017) is the most exciting retelling—dare we say in at least 27 years?

True to the original novel and the 1990 TV miniseries, IT assembles the best kid cast since Stand by Me (Yes, we’ve seen Stranger Things) and avoids useless updates like changes in race or gender. Two members of The Losers Club, later known as Lucky 7, were packing personality punches we knew they had in them all along.

Sophia Lillis plays a more mature, less wholesome version of Beverly Marsh, but before you start worrying about Bevvy—worrying a lot—we assure you IT’s producers did not do to Bevvy what Rob Zombie did to Laurie Strode and her gal pals. A few F-bombs are harmlessly and hilariously tossed by quick-witted Richie Tozier, whose eccentricities are effortlessly brought to life by Stranger Things sensation Finn Wolfhard. The real surprise is Jack Dylan Grazer whose version of Eddie Kapsbrak is less frail and more delightfully neurotic. He still has his inhaler—along with a fanny pack and a backup fanny pack—but he eagerly sheds the shackles of hypochondria that were placed on him by his controlling mother.

Speaking of fanny packs …

One savvy switch-up for today’s audiences was the shift from the 1950s to the 1980s. The vocabulary was never gratuitously grody, and the wardrobe didn’t pop like a neon Wham shirt. The homages are apt and unexpected. Bully Henry Bowers sports a mullet versus the greaser style, but every look, every bit of language, and every location contribute to the doomed, small-town setting that resonates throughout time with King’s fans. Isn’t that what a great story—in all ITs adaptions and iterations—is supposed to do?

In his book On Writing, King says there is no “Idea Dump, no Story Central, no Island of Buried Bestsellers.” He indicates that creative writing is almost a fallacy, and the only way to make something new under the sun is to bring previously unrelated ideas together in one’s own way. King did that in the novel IT, telling a familiar story of childhood fears and friendships that featured killer clown Pennywise, whose very name is a juxtaposition of the basic and the complex.

King is said to have told director Andy Muschietti he loved the licenses they took with IT (2017). Indeed, his New Line team does an incredible job of strengthening the house that Freddy built—and subsequently tarnished—with the Nightmare on Elm Street remake. They cut some things that perhaps weren’t worth repeating like the giant spider. Catch phrases like Beep beep, Richie are given a tap rather than a pounding, and concepts like the “deadlights” are shown rather than spoken. Scenes like the one in which Beverly’s sink spews blood are amped up to wow big screen audiences, but effect never overpowers story. Emotion is not an afterthought as demonstrated by Jaeden Lieberher’s (as Bill Denbrough) memorable monologue that inspires the gang to help him fight the monster that killed his little brother Georgie.

So many will be writing this week about Bill Skarsgård’s enthralling performance as Pennywise, our comments are unnecessary. Simply put, he was undeniable in the gritty Netflix series Hemlock Grove, but even with a family pedigree that includes brother Alexander (Eric Northman of True Blood), Deadwest and I didn’t expect him to make the horror hall of fame this fast. As a side note, their famous dad, Stellan, once delivered a line that explains why many victims become just that. Portraying a serial killer in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, he says that people’s fear of offending is often greater than their fear of pain. Remember that the next time a stranger with a funny face offers you a balloon, Scream Freaks!

DW and I are heading to the casting couch now to choose our fantasy line-up for the IT sequel that will have the Lucky 7 fighting the monster again as adults. Check back for more on that, and if you haven’t already, go get the sh-IT scared out of you at your local theater this week!

Be sure to check out the rest of Mandy’s reviews at Mandy’s Screaming Reviews, Scream Freaks!

In the meantime, be sure to catch up on all past Screaming Soup! Seasons, check out this week’s Howl’n Hottie, read recent reviews for the newer horror films and comics we’re checkin’ out in our blogs, R-Rated Reviews and Sequential Slime, and help us get the word out about the web’s #1 animated horror host show! Please use our social buttons in the upper right corner of the site and follow our tweets, subscribe to our YouTube channel, like our Facebook, watch and share all our vids, and keep that fan mail coming.

Warm up some Screaming Soup! leftovers with reruns currently playin’ on Beta Max TV and Sluggo’s The Vortexx!

If you need the hook-up with instant Troma and Full Moon movies, we’d suggest watching Troma’s films for free on their Youtube channel, and you can get full access to Full Moon’s catalog of work from their movies to their Videozone clips at Full Moon Streaming and their Amazon channel.

See ya later, Scream Freaks!

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