W – R-Rated Reviews

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So, we can’t animate fast enough to give you Scream Freaks full blown reviews of all the horror movies we’ve been watching lately, but we can give ya our straight shoot’n thoughts in bite size chunks. We like to think you trust our opinions, but remember, we’re fans of Killer Tomato movies!

Look up a review: # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

zwatchTHE WATCHER (2016)

A young married couple move into a new house and become involved in a Scooby-Doo mystery as jealous house buyers try scarin’ them away with spooky raven costumes. Effective storytellin’ supported by excellent cinematography, this supposed supernatural suspense film turns out to just be suspense but still packs some unexpected twists that kind of make sense. Throat slittin’ suicides, tainted treats, surprise deliveries galore, dead bird messengers, tree houses of secrets, home invaders, role playin’ ‘tards, needles to the throat, and raven inspired boogey men. 3/5! 

THE WEREWOLF REBORN! (1998)

A modern teenage girl is dumped on her uncle in the European boonies and is greeted with a hair-raisin’ hello thanks to a gypsy’s werewolf curse that’s got the town up in arms against him. Part of Full Moon’s Filmonsters series that reimagines classic monsters for young’ns, this is a decent flick that watches like an hour long Goosebumps special with a hair more depth to its characters. Nothin’ novel with the werewolf make-up, but there’s some really good marriages between CGI and practical effects for transformation scenes. Coolest part is the Filmonsters openin’ title sequence with Toulon’s puppets resurrectin’ classic monsters from a graveyard with recycled footage from Puppet Master 2! Silver bullets, silver stabbin’s, werewolves in prison, monstrous jailbreaks, Swiss cheese healin’, helpful Gypsies, and defensive euthanasia! 3/5! 

WHEN NATURE CALLS (1985)

When this obscure Troma flick first starts, you’re thinkin’ it’s goin’ to be a series of comedic shorts with fake trailers and what not. Then one sketch called “The Outdoorsters” runs a little long, seems to have a connection with the followin’ sketch, and it suddenly dawns on you you’re watchin’ the actual movie that you mistakenly thought was called When Nature Calls. A slapstick comedy with intermittent movie theater gag ads, this humdrum story’s about a fed up construction worker and his pollution sensitive wife takin’ their family for a healthy trip of tame hijinks to the so-so outdoors. While the movie’s a snooze, still check it out for its fake trailers and adult ads for theater junk food. Men fighting mountain lion cosplayers, baby criminals, stop motion hot dog people bangin’ and pissin’ on bags of droopy popcorn, elephants, and live action bears in love with teenage girls but nothin’ as ludicrous as the cover portrays! 2/5!

WICKED STEPMOTHER (1989)

This flick is Bette Davis’ swan song as a gold diggin’ witch who gets her skeletal hooks into a geezer livin’ with his yuppie family, only to abandon the film as soon as it starts and force the writers to replace Bette with her wicked daughter, a soul swappin’ cat woman exploitin’ the family for her own riches. This is a pretty decent comedy that makes me laugh out loud from time to time but as clever as swappin’ Bette Davis out with a younger witch is, however, it’s done in a pretty abrupt and confusin’ way. Doesn’t keep you from enjoyin’ the flick, mind ya, but it could have been a smoother transition. Hairy spells, witches in trainin’, shrinkin’ spells, fixer upper magic, hexed vegetation, soul swappin’, granny line-ups, Richard Moll as a humorous P.I., magic shops, magical duels, courtroom chaos, witches between the sheets, the dad from Happy Days proves he’s got the chops for movies, and a dog is presumed dead most the movie but happily wags back into the final reel! 3/5! 

ywildWILD BEASTS (1984)

PETA’s worst nightmare, the city water supply is tainted with PCP and drug crazed animals escape their technologically faulty zoo to tear through the streets for human meals unless a veterinarian can stop them all with his tranq gun. A late entry in the nature’s revenge genre, this film is wonderfully edited together with a sweet soundtrack, and has plenty of scenes that’ll make you question whether or not there’s any animal cruelty involved. Brat youngn’s, cuddly zoo babies, flamethrowers vs rats, cats vs rats, giant cats vs pigs, giant cats vs horses, giant cats vs cows, cow crossings, airport chaos, polar bear mayhem, maulings, killer PCP doped young’ns, we learn elephants send everyone into a panic, and women’s driving causes more accidents than a cheetah in traffic! 3/5!

THE WINDMILL aka THE WINDMILL MASSACRE (2016)

Tourists are stranded in the boonies of Holland while sighseein’ windmills and are hunted by an immortal slasher who preys on their darkest secrets. Excellent filmmakin’ with outstandin’ camera work, nice mix-up of differin’ characters with their own unique stories, and lots of cool over the top kills. My only gripe with this flick is its killer. He’s likeable with reality bendin’ powers like Freddy and merciless kills like Jason, but I don’t feel like the filmmakers establish him well enough as an iconic killer with his own personality that separates him from the rest. Crazy chicks, sabotage buses, stabbin’s, drownin’s, disembowelments, fires, dead hookers, decapitations, gates of hell, feet cut off, head stompin’, and scythe action! 4/5!

zwintWINTERBEAST (1992)

A hodge podge of stop-motion mayhem and a patchy plot, this disasterpiece is almost as bad as Oversexed Rugsuckers From Mars, but it’s hard to top that turd. Winterbeast is about a little mountain town experiencin’ a sudden boom in monster attacks threatenin’ to disrupt their Fall Festival. Some shitty rangers figure out it has somethin’ to do with a weirdo lodge owner and his connection to unfriendly totem poles comin’ to life, and they race to their local library to research ways for defeatin’ rubber Play-Doh creatures. The make-up effects are pretty damn good with sinfully entertainin’ beasts of cheesy charm, but this flick completely bombs when it comes to its non-sense script that’s made even worse with bad actin’. Mountain mummies, flare gun defenses, Jaws mayor types, skin mags, shouting matches, spontaneous combustions, chest bursters, heads bitten off, corpse decors, dead men dance parties, creepy masks, lodge brawls, stop-motion nightmares, 4-armed alien things, giant mutant chickens, people eatin’ their own faces, smokin’ beasts, stop-motion stunt dummies, topless beatin’s, dino-motion, wooly boogers, and sins against the revered 180 rule! 2/5!

dvdwitchTHE WITCH (2016)

A family of pilgrims are ostracized from their village and start playing “Tag, you’re a witch!” after strange things start happening on their new farm. A slow-burn, this is more about atmosphere and the deconstruction of a family’s bond with themselves and God. A witch is actually the villain, but the family would rather point fingers at each other instead of hunt the real hag in the woods. This film offers solid performances (especially from the father who sounds like he swallowed a synthesizer), dead animals galore, children’s buttocks, and a couple of highly effective creepy moments toward the end. The real superstar of the whole thing was Black Phillip, the family goat.  3/5!

zwithcWITCHBOARD (1986)

The chick from the White Snake video is a victim of supernatural catfishin’ after playing with a Ouija board, and it’s up to a med school drop-out and a borderline paranormal kiddie fiddler to save her from axe murderin’ possession. A well written script full of dynamic characters and relationships with decent enough actors pulling it off, my only gripe would be for more blood and clearer understanding of where characters exactly are in their lives. Boobs in the shower, construction site deaths, possessions, evil voices, psychic puns, fatal freefalls, best reactions to bogus scares ever committed to celluloid, axes to the face, Ouija party tricks, and one of the most rockin’ songs we’ve ever heard, “Bump in the Night!” 4/5! 

WITCHBOARD 2: THE DEVIL’S DOORWAY (1993)

When a meek chick decides to strike it out on her own as an artist, she’s a little distracted by a Ouija board she finds in her new loft and gets mixed up with a sexy ghost’s vendetta against her murderers. This is a damn good movie with a script that wowed me with its superb dialogue but disappointed me with their reveal of the killer who I figured out from the get go. Despite that, however, this flick packs a punch with unforgettable deaths, engagin’ characters, and cinematography remindin’ me of a Sam Raimi movie. Wreckin’ ball deaths, airborne tools, boiler room explosions, perverted landlords, inappropriate scrunchies in the workplace, hippy chicks stuck in ’69, dead raccoons, a punchin’ bag that looks like a policeman, high speed wrecks, supernatural assassinations, stabbin’s, ghosts’ pov, women punched in the face, boobs in photos, possessions, spiritual writin’s, magic shops, suspicious photographers, no hurt dogs, we learn ghosts are bad spellers and if you step too close to a window you’ll blow through it like a cannonball! 4/5! 

WITCHBOARD 3: THE POSSESSION (1995)

When a down on his luck stockbroker inherits a Ouija board from his suicidal landlord, he asks unholy forces for stock tips but gets himself stuck in a mirror dimension instead, while a demonic force possesses his body and makes moves on his wife for a devil baby. Not as fun and hip as Witchboard 1 & 2 with rockin’ characters or stylish cinematography, but it’s okay and has its eerie moments. The story’s shifty from time to time regardin’ what kind of horror this is gonna be, but still an overall decent flick that’s similar to a stiff episode of Tales From the Crypt. Fatal freefalls with rods through the noggin’, rub-a-dub death, free floatin’ butterfly exhibits, demonic POVs, fingers through skulls, demonic Ouija boards, fertility fetishes, awkwardly attempted threesomes, stabbin’s, pins to the head, boobs in the bath, demons, and mirror traps! 3/5

WITCHOUSE (1999)

A Goth chick reunites her high school classmates at a Halloween party that’s secretly a sacrificial ritual for bringin’ her wicked witch ancestor, Lilith, back from the grave. The camerawork is respectable, the castle/mansion set is impressive, the actin’ is entertainin’ enough, there’s a rockin’ soundtrack, and the story keeps you awake, but I feel like this needed to push the witch or the effects a lot further to make it a bit more original. Comes off like a watered down version of Night of the Demons without any boobs. Levitations, decapitations, time travel séances, dungeon cock blocks, punched out witches, head rippin’, possessions, bookworm romances, family tree drama, seasick camerawork, Necronomicons, electrifyin’ defenses, stoners, guitar bashin’, slicin’, glowin’ eyes, resurrected witches, and CGI lightnin’! 3/5!

WITCHOUSE 2: BLOOD COVEN (2000)

Some backwood bulldozin’ reveals a bunch of unmarked graves and piss off the locals when it halts the construction of their new mall ’til university researchers can complete a study of the bodies. Easier said than done, however, when the bodies turn out to be the centuries old witch Lilith and her coven of roasted followers who begin possessin’ their egghead grave diggers. I actually think this is better than the first Witchouse because the actors have a bit more chemistry, we’re not limited to one set the whole time, the possessions are more imaginative, and there’s a nice surprise or two to keep you on your feet. Definitely borrowin’ (or even parodyin’) elements from The Blair Witch Project with documentary video segments, this is a rockin’ fun flick that really sets out to be entertainin’ as a stand alone piece of horrific cinema. Only gripe would be the way half the cast is kinda dropped in as oppose to bein’ introduced. Unearthed graves, found footage scenes, monstrous cock blocks, lingerie hikes, lightnin’ shootin’ eyes, possessions through bone dust in wounds, epic fail with surgical tools, Scooby-Doo disguises, stabbin’s, possessions by DNA injections, and witch hunters! 4/5!

WITCHOUSE 3: DEMON FIRE (2001)

When a tight group of girl friends dick around with witchcraft, they find themselves haunted by the ghost of a centuries old witch named Lilith who might be servin’ someone’s twisted desires. Despite bein’ a cheap scare production, this is obviously made by filmmakers tryin’ to make the best entertainin’ flick they could and succeed for the most part. The story’s solid, the characters are worth carin’ about, the witch looks her best in the trilogy with Brinke Stevens under the make-up, and there’s some nice twists and turns you don’t expect. Biggest disappointment is the build up to a festival we never get to see. Boobs in the shower, ambushes on the beach, chasin’ witches, bitches with grudges, drunken threesomes, séances, wife beatin’, dead girls, and filmmakin’ witches! 3/5!

WITHIN (2016)

A family moves into a new home, never realizin’ there’s an impossibly quiet ninja assassin livin’ in their crawlspace who’s drinkin’ their milk and fondlin’ them in their sleep. I’m not the biggest fan of these weirdo in wall movies, because they’re all the same to me. Sure, this flick’s well shot, delivers some good tension with wince worthy moments, and has a strong actress carryin’ the story, but you just see everythin’ comin’ a mile away nearly blow for blow, red herrin’s and all. And when the filmmakers try to switch things up like the wrong body bein’ mistaken for the weirdo killer’s, it just comes off like a big fuckin’ plot hole that makes no sense! If you’ve seen The Pact 1-2, Intruders, Black Xmas (2006), Crawlspace, or The Boy, then you’ve seen this already and can skip it. Stabbin’s, extension cord nooses, chases in the wall, roofies, uncomfortable snugglin’, stranglin’, milk backwash, creepy squatter neighbors remindin’ you of Buffalo Bill, closet traps, and hammers to the head! 3/5!

WITHOUT WARNING (1980)

Not to be confused for Predator, this sci-fi flick’s about a bobble head alien huntin’ horny teens and hicks in the boonies with flyin’ tentacle pancakes covered in hair and teeth. A couple of teen lovers manage to escape e.t.’s fleshy saucers of death but are stuck in the crosshairs of trigger happy hicks goin’ to war with the alien. Decent enough idea for a movie, but I think it focuses on the wrong characters and doesn’t have enough variations in the deaths. The alien’s design is cool but stereotypical and barely seen ’til the very end after his critters do all the work for him. Overall, this is a pretty lame movie and really undershoots where it could have gone as a film. Alien crazed vets, extraterrestrial cock blocks, bodies on hooks, goo spurtin’ flesh cakes, pickled e.t. critters, boom shacks, splish splash free falls, stolen cop cars, parasites to the legs, chests, and faces, dumbass home invasions, gunshots to the chest, boy scouts on the run, creepy gas stations, and a dead bobcat! 2/5!

x06WNUF HALLOWEEN SPECIAL (2013)

A different spin on the found footage genre, someone digs up a VHS copy of a fictional news broadcast from Halloween ’87 when a local field reporter entered a supposed haunted house and encountered unexplained forces. For the full tapped TV experience, viewers are also subjected to tons of fake commercials and a full news broadcast serving as the pre-show. This is a cool idea, but was executed all wrong. The focus of the movie itself is so interrupted and cut up by commercials and separate news broadcasts, you forget what you’re even watching. We need to fast-forward through more of the commercials, only show the news segments that set-up plot points, and have a better and clearer escalation of danger. News anchors playing dress-up, producers with chainsaws, Halloween-hatin’ church folk, psychic cats, senior psychics, holy imposters, and enough commercials to remind you why you hate watching live TV. 2/5!

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