V – R-Rated Reviews

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So, we can’t animate fast enough to give you Scream Freaks full blown reviews of all the horror movies we’ve been watching lately, but we can give ya our straight shoot’n thoughts in bite size chunks. We like to think you trust our opinions, but remember, we’re fans of Killer Tomato movies!

Look up a review: # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

VAMPIRE JOURNALS (1997)

In this spin-off to Full Moon’s Subspecies series, a vengeful vamp named Zachary seeks the eradication of the cursed bloodline that destroyed his life, leadin’ him to a whorehouse with a bloodthirsty pimp named Ash, a fledglin’ of Radu. Assassinatin’ the head vamp doesn’t go as easily as Zachary hopes, however, when he and Ash fall for the same piano jammin’ chick they take turns usin’ as leverage against one another. A melodramatic slow burn of ’90s romanticized bloodsuckin’, this flick has a solid script full of well thought out character development and drama that’s lackin’ in most the Subspecies movies. But without any noteworthy special effects or novel ideas introduced like in Subspecies, this fang flick is just your mom’s grocery store romance novel with the kind of handsome bloodsuckers high school girls fantasize about. It’s also funny to see actors who played vamps in Subspecies 4 play different vamps in this film which I think is safe to say takes place after the events of Subspecies 4. Topless bloodsuckin’, men sucking on other men’s chest, three-way fang bang, fortune tellers, decapitations, feedin’ frenzy foursome, head twistin’, vamp stakin’, toasty heads, disintegrations, backstabbin’ galore, bad business practices, swordplay, talkin’ heads, travelin’ by shadows, jealous fang fatales, and bloody kisses between babes! 3/5! 

VAMPIRE RESSURECTION (2001)

After a man from the late 1800s witnesses his beloved killed by her jealous husband, he uses vampire blood to become immortal and banks on a voodoo woman’s word they will reunite when she’s reincarnated in one hundred years. As promised, he crawls out of his time capsule crypt to find her among the livin’ once more, but she’s on the run from her psycho murderin’ husband her aunt asks to protect them from the bloodsuckin’ Romeo. A well written script that’s more Lifetime movie of the week than horror, this flick manages to give us interestin’ characters, good actin’, and convincin’ enough emotion with well timed comic relief. Only thing draggin’ this thing down is the placid cinematography, doofus cops, and the filmmakers stickin’ with a vampire stereotype we’ve all seen countless times before. Crossbows to the gut and arm, vampers under campers, dead cats in the shower, fatal freefalls, beautiful women pukin’ into a toilet, nip slips, boobs, impalements, vampire research at your local library, fang bang, back alley bloodsuckin’, stiffs walkin’ out of morgues, men’s asses, wolfbane mixers, gunshots to the head, car wrecks, throat slittin’, attempted bondage rape with a wooden stake, aunties to the rescue, Denice Duff shows side boob, and a guest appearance by the boom mike! 3/5!

VAMPIRES: OUT FOR BLOOD (2004)

Detective Kevin Dillon is seduced and bitten by bloodsuckers durin’ a fang bang orgy and begs his estranged vamp novelist wife to help him kill their master before he fully transforms into a creature of the night. This is a decent flick that’s wonderfully shot with rich colors and kinetic camerawork, but the dialogue is horribly hackneyed, and Kevin’s serious performance is hysterical with all his goofy reactions. Pretty decent gore and vampire effects, but nothin’ I haven’t seen already. Vampire orgies with boobs, stakin’s, mind control, jump scare cats, supernatural speed, peepin’ tom vamps, disembowelment, loony bins, explosions, fatal freefalls, toasty undead meltdowns, and Lance Henriksen supports the shit out of this thing with his bit part! 3/5! 

VARSITY BLOOD (2014)

A year after a cheerleader dies in a tragic pyramid routine, her squad thinks her boyfriend has turned psycho slasher and is crashin’ their secret Halloween party to kill them all while dressed as the school mascot. This ain’t a great movie, but it’s a really good one. The actin’s tolerable, the pace of kills is a little off, and the backstory gets convoluted at times, but the filmmakers give us a memorable masked slasher, boobs, gory effects, humorous characters, and plenty of things to laugh at without bein’ a comedy. Slam dunk decapitations, arrows through eyes, tomahawks through heads, fatal swirlies, farm tool impalements, hack and slashin’, tough motherly love, coke addictions, farm house parties, parked cops touchin’ themselves to internet boobs, beheadin’s, pick-up bangin’, silly killers in a good way, and the best endin’ with confused cops EVER captured on celluloid! 3/5!

THE VAULT (2017)

When a gang of cosplay robbers take a bank hostage, they’re directed to an old vault in the basement where they run into angry ghosts of hostages killed in another bank robbery decades earlier. This is supernatural suspense at its best with a captivatin’ cast, thoughtful tension, and blips of intense gore here and there. I wasn’t too crazy about the way the endin’ was edited or how the homicidal spirit of the hostages’ killer was hauntin’ the bank despite him never dyin’ there, but an excellent film none the less. Drills to the head, ghost vaults, shotgun suicide, firebombs, psycho killer ghosts, and ecto-Franco! 4/5! 

VENGEANCE OF THE DEAD (2001)

When a grandson pays his grand pappy a visit on the ol’ farm, he’s seduced by a little ghost girl and becomes her sleepwalkin’ assassin of pyromanic justice against her geezer murderers. While the actin’ and hee-hawin’ music ain’t the best, I really appreciate the filmmakers givin’ us a sophisticated plot that’s well shot and edited. There is a final scene that takes place on Halloween night, but it lasts 2 seconds and ain’t worth addin’ this Full Moon flick to your holiday theme lists. Boobs in the shower, borderline pedophile behavior with ghosts, extra crispy geezers, short-bus firetraps, inferno cellars, peepin’ tom geezers, possessions, ghost girls swingin’ from the ceilin’, faces blown off with shotguns, baghead home invasions, ecto romances, old man scarecrows burned at the stake, and burning bed suicides! 3/5!

zlipVICIOUS LIPS (1986)

A bitch’n all girl rock band races across the cosmos against aliens and shitty dream-like pop videos to play a gig for super stardom at the galaxy’s hottest club. In a nutshell, this is Jem and the Holograms on sleeping pills in a spaceship. This has all the ingredients for an amazing cult film full of special effects and killer music, but undershoots everything with unimaginative e.t.s, lackluster music, and a pretty uneventful script that falls apart toward the end. 3 knocker e.t.s, naked fembots, see through tops, totally outrageous wigs, Jetsons nods, angry bar crowds, spaceship jackin’s, cannibals, peeping toms’ eyes bein’ gouged, sci-fi instruments, career suicides, Lost in Space nods, shape shifting e.t.s, and laser showers! 2/5!

THE VINDICATOR (1986)

This has to be one of sci-fi’s most unsung cyborg flicks about a scientist who’s blown up in his lab and wakes up as a malfunctionin’ Frankenstein of ’80s technology that’s programmed to go ape shit whenever anyone touches him. Judge it as a Robocop knock-off or not, this flick firmly stands on its own as a dark twisted tale of scary science pleasantly mixed with ’80s WA-POW that made action movies from that time so much fun! Unlike Robocop, this story conveys more horror with its cybernetic victim not havin’ the benefit of a memory wipe, drivin’ a little more emotional impact with his reactions to his transformation that’s only enhanced by the detail of his horrified eyes trapped inside his mechanical coffin. Can’t recommend this under appreciated thrill enough! Cyber milk for blood, incinerator escapes, resin goop traps, acid squirt guns, cyborgs vs mecha-suits, sewer battles, explosions, spontaneous combustion vehicles, true compact cars, fatal freefalls, big ass walkie talkies, young’ns in scrapyards, dead lifts with cars, attempted rapes, excited monkeys fallin’ over dead, lab chaos, monkey shootin’ range, expendable employees turned into lab experiments, and Pam Grier as a bad ass mercenary! 5/5! 

zvisTHE VISITANT (2014)

There’s something inherently intriguing about a fortune teller who’s skeptical about the supernatural: Will the audience sympathize with a carnival charlatan when she accidentally makes contact with the spirit world? The makeshift mystic is really just an out-of-work actress who’s mourning her husband on the one-year anniversary of his death. It sounds promising, but the problem is the pace. Everything takes place in one evening, mostly with Michele Simms (“Samantha”) home alone. She retires for the night but gets back up for multiple video chats, most of them with her friend Maya, played by Tracy Wiu. Maya is our narrator, the paranormal encyclopedia who interprets the haunting for the main character. When she speaks of spirits and demons on a spectrum that has classes and orders like the organisms in biology class, I was hooked. However, that discussion is fleeting and doesn’t add to the scare factor. Acting on Maya’s advice, Samantha takes pictures in every room, a sequence that should have been more ominous with glimpses of the dark force. The film really loses momentum when yet another video chat results in another home tour—this time with sage. After all of that, Maya decides to come over and take her friend out on the town. By then, it seemed like 4 a.m., so the timeline was tough to track, and the adrenaline was fizzling. On a higher note, the story does circle around to the husband’s death, providing cohesion if not proper cadence. Overall, it’s worth a free watch, and I might even revisit in 2019 if IMDB is correct that Wiu will be back for ReVisitant. 3/5!

THE VOID (2017)

It’s Assault on Precinct 13 meets From Beyond as a small town cop fights to protect folk from bein’ turned into interdimensional boogers in a hospital surrounded by a hooded cult. This trippy flick starts off fast and strong, deliverin’ all you want and expect in a horror movie. You’ve got the hero with the tragic past, a nice variety of characters that make for a high body count, gory special effects, booger monsters, and a well established villain. My only gripe with this whole thing is how it loses momentum toward the end, you can barely see any of the monsters with all the fast editin’, and I know it’s called The Void, but it’s so dark I can’t see what’s happenin’ most the time! People skinnin’ themselves, monster pregnancies, nods to Hellraiser, cult sentinels, eye gougin’, crazed nurses, gunfire executions, monsters right out of The Thing, interdimensional travel, evil pregos, people torched, and deceptive illusions! 3/5!

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