U – R-Rated Reviews

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So, we can’t animate fast enough to give you Scream Freaks full blown reviews of all the horror movies we’ve been watching lately, but we can give ya our straight shoot’n thoughts in bite size chunks. We like to think you trust our opinions, but remember, we’re fans of Killer Tomato movies!

Look up a review: # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

yuglkyTHE UGLY (1997)

A confessed serial killer named Simon, who may or may not have psychic powers, needs a popular psychiatrist’s 2nd opinion to help declare him cured so he can get out of a loony bin ran by cartoon characters. More sad than scary, this flashback movie of Simon’s abusive ugly duckling upbringing builds up to what horror fans hope to be a supernatural thriller, but his ghostly tormentors of victims past seem to be nothing but fibs for manipulating the rest of the cast. Straight razors to the throat, repetitive murder fantasies, wrestling rejects for orderlies, spittin’ good slop meals, ladies in red, hit and run dogs, and swank v.i.p. seats to psyche evaluations. 3/5! 


A pair of horny yahoos are duped into attendin’ an ugly sweater party at a jeerful Bible camp, and one of them is wearing an eyesore that’s haunted by the ghost of a serial killer who possesses him to slaughter the doomed Bible thumpers in the name of somethin’ called Sweaterface. A fresh take on Christmas horror that surprises ya with every twist and turn, this is kitchen sink filmmakin’ at its most metal with manic edits, kinetic camerawork, and a shameless ensemble of actors that includes horror hottie hall of famer, Felissa Rose. The only thing that can make this flick better than it already is is developin’ more of the relationships among the characters to give the story arc more trajectory. Bum beatin’s, head crushin’, police brutality, cursed Christmas attire, dick rippin’, blood squirtin’ facials, disgruntled employees, random rock videos, ray guns, head explosions, pub shavin’ in bowls of cereal, minimum Christmas decor, homo showers, ghosts, psychic visions, baptisms, dick props, evil time jumpin’, monstrous sweater transformations, zero boobs, skinny dippin, and Felissa Rose guest stars as a cheatin’ milf! 2/5!


In this Roger Corman classic, scientists pay to hypnotize a hooker into medieval times where she relives a past life as a damsel outrunnin’ her own execution with shapeshiftin’ witches, heroic knights, and the devil. Jugglin’ the concepts of time travel and reincarnation, this black and white picture offers a unique combination of science fiction and the occult in a settin’ right out of Ghosts ‘n Goblins. A little too Shakespearian with the dialogue for my taste, but an overall nice throwback with amusin’ twists. Time travelin’ trances, ugly witches, hot witches, critter shapeshiftin’, imp sidekicks, head choppin’, cats, bats, pacts with the devil, gravediggin’ sing-songs, and botched rescues from the future! 3/5!


Hostel type killers from the dark web are pissed when one of their agent’s laptops ends up bein’ used for some yahoo’s game night with his friends on video chat and use every dirty digital trick to protect their deadly dealin’s the gamers eventually uncover. For a movie that’s presented in real time on a geek’s computer screen for an hour an a half, the filmmakers do a great job keepin’ me hooked to the very end with nervous anticipation for each gamer’s fate. The plot may get a little convoluted at times with the killers doin’ a lot of questionable things, but it all makes sense by the time you get to the twist at the end. Only dumb part is the wannabe heroine not bein’ more cautious of a hooded man standin’ right next to her at the subway. Fatal freefalls, bait and switches, chained girls, girls trapped in containers, suggested acid baths, borrowed heads, kidnappin’, bitcoin leverages, distorted assailants, subway deaths, deaf hotties, swat team executions, hangin’s, faked suicides, flatliners, and human roadkill! 4/5!


Girls compete in a reality show to be the spokesperson for a new fashion line and are attacked by magical monsters summoned by the show’s hostess who needs the girls’ lives for restoring her youth. The film looks good, the actors are convincing, and the story is pretty original, but I personally would like to see a few more boobs and sooner, more thoughtful monster make-up, and there wasn’t any real escalation of danger or tension, because the monsters kept blanking everyone’s memory of their presence. Cyclops sex, blow-up bimbos, golden egg hunts, hateful old women, sad midget deaths, nice girls are last girls, misused magic, and Charlie O’Connell without his brother! 3/5! 


A girl eagerly takes a job to care for a mother’s catatonic young’n, but the catch is the new family moved into the town’s haunted house where a family vanished without a trace years earlier. Bravin’ supernatural forces for a much needed paycheck, things only get worse for the girl when local yahoos break in to retrieve drugs they stashed in the basement, leavin’ her and the young’n stuck between spooks and crooks. This is a very impressive flick that is clearly made by filmmakers who know the genre, settin’ up predictable horror scenarios but with unexpected spins that make this film fresh and memorable. The actin’ is engagin’, the special effects don’t distract, and the twist endin’ would make Shamalamadingdong jealous! Secret lesbos, killer dead dogs, jaws ripped off, white trash boiled in the tub, folks flung through the air, airborne knives, incomplete bed of nails, bullyin’, backwood sacrifices, hangin’s, suspicious marbles, interstellar minds, and ghostly pranks with dishes. 4/5!

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