U – R-Rated Reviews

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So, we can’t animate fast enough to give you Scream Freaks full blown reviews of all the horror movies we’ve been watching lately, but we can give ya our straight shoot’n thoughts in bite size chunks. We like to think you trust our opinions, but remember, we’re fans of Killer Tomato movies!

Look up a review: # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

yuglkyTHE UGLY (1997)

A confessed serial killer named Simon, who may or may not have psychic powers, needs a popular psychiatrist’s 2nd opinion to help declare him cured so he can get out of a loony bin ran by cartoon characters. More sad than scary, this flashback movie of Simon’s abusive ugly duckling upbringing builds up to what horror fans hope to be a supernatural thriller, but his ghostly tormentors of victims past seem to be nothing but fibs for manipulating the rest of the cast. Straight razors to the throat, repetitive murder fantasies, wrestling rejects for orderlies, spittin’ good slop meals, ladies in red, hit and run dogs, and swank v.i.p. seats to psyche evaluations. 3/5! 

ycharmUNLUCKY CHARMS aka MISCREATIONS (2013)

Girls compete in a reality show to be the spokesperson for a new fashion line and are attacked by magical monsters summoned by the show’s hostess who needs the girls’ lives for restoring her youth. The film looks good, the actors are convincing, and the story is pretty original, but I personally would like to see a few more boobs and sooner, more thoughtful monster make-up, and there wasn’t any real escalation of danger or tension, because the monsters kept blanking everyone’s memory of their presence. Cyclops sex, blow-up bimbos, golden egg hunts, hateful old women, sad midget deaths, nice girls are last girls, misused magic, and Charlie O’Connell without his brother! 3/5! 

THE UNSPOKEN (2017)

A girl eagerly takes a job to care for a mother’s catatonic young’n, but the catch is the new family moved into the town’s haunted house where a family vanished without a trace years earlier. Bravin’ supernatural forces for a much needed paycheck, things only get worse for the girl when local yahoos break in to retrieve drugs they stashed in the basement, leavin’ her and the young’n stuck between spooks and crooks. This is a very impressive flick that is clearly made by filmmakers who know the genre, settin’ up predictable horror scenarios but with unexpected spins that make this film fresh and memorable. The actin’ is engagin’, the special effects don’t distract, and the twist endin’ would make Shamalamadingdong jealous! Secret lesbos, killer dead dogs, jaws ripped off, white trash boiled in the tub, folks flung through the air, airborne knives, incomplete bed of nails, bullyin’, backwood sacrifices, hangin’s, suspicious marbles, interstellar minds, and ghostly pranks with dishes. 4/5!

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