# – R-Rated Reviews

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So, we can’t animate fast enough to give you Scream Freaks full blown reviews of all the horror movies we’ve been watching lately, but we can give ya our straight shoot’n thoughts in bite size chunks. We like to think you trust our opinions, but remember, we’re fans of Killer Tomato movies!

Look up a review: # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

zclover10 CLOVERFIELD LANE (2016)

John Goodman plays the scary villain we always knew he could be, and keeps us on the edge of our seats as a doomsday nut forcing strangers to stay safe in his underground bunker from alien invasion. I think the biggest crime was tying the movie to Cloverfield which distracts the viewer from getting into the suspense of Goodman being crazy or not, because you’re just waiting for giant aliens to show up the whole time. Which they do — in the last 10 minutes! Would have been a more effective ending if we weren’t expecting it, but we at least get to see horror’s fastest thinking last girl take the aliens head on like a PMS fueled firecracker, continuing the new breed of final girl as seen in You’re Next. 3/5!

y0531 (2016)

It’s horror meets The Running Man with a little Hunger Games peppered in as a small group of 1970s carnies are kidnapped and dropped into a gladiatorial Halloween game where they must survive 12 hours against various costumed killers in an abandoned compound. I like most of Rob Zombie’s movies, but I feel this film’s script falls short regarding the victims. There isn’t enough time spent connecting with the carnies, very little (if any) character development, and it all results in us not giving 2 shits about who lives or dies, robbing the movie of its tension. Could have stood some more creative kills as well with crazier weapons. Puppet shows, powdered drag, Nazi clown midgets, chainsaw welding clowns, accidental cannibalism, traps, blow-up doll outfits, sex and death tag teams, number 2 sound effects, interrupted sex romps, bats vs pipes vs chainsaws vs switchblades vs bed posts, and women sawed in half! 3/5!

x898989 REDSTONE (2016)

A father with turrets and his eye candy daughter are hosts of a house flipping cable show that’s in jeopardy when they fix up a haunted house in Detroit that puts them way behind schedule with falling mirrors and touchy wiring. A great idea for a movie, this was sadly cheated out of greatness by a lack of escalating danger, clear understanding of the overall threat, good actors given shit dialogue, and poor editing decisions (such as when to watch the movie as the fictional TV show vs the making of the TV show). Underhanded vandalism, mysterious doors, an unforgettable Buddhist, air horn corrections, a carpenter named Jesus, moldy bread keepsakes, nosebleeds, one of the most confusing endings I doubt even the filmmakers understand, and the freakiest 5 seconds of a mutilated freak that’ll leave you speechless. 2/5! 

y2oooTWO THOUSAND MANIACS (1964)

It’s the 100th anniversary of a Georgia town being slaughtered by Union soldiers, and the good ol’ southern folk rise from their graves to celebrate with a festival of torturing and killing Yankees passing through their cursed community. Highly recognized as a classic, this flick has a fairly solid story, but the perplexing cinematography and poor sound quality with periodic run-on scenes is what truly makes it an experience hard to forget. Rope belts, gapped teeth, bolos, cats in nooses, straw hats, the most Rebel flags ever captured on celluloid, victims covered in red paint, torn limbs, human barbeques, quicksand, and an important lesson in how it’s better to offend and live than humor and die! 3/5!

zscream2001 MANIACS: FIELD OF SCREAMS (2010)

The Confederate cannibal ghosts are back and load up on a bus to hunt Yankees in Iowa who were already traveling to the South. Lot of good ideas, but every line was dubbed through a coffee can, the editor was working with his elbows, and the story’s flow and escalation of danger was all over the place. Lot of potential but not as high production as the version with Robert Englund. Still worth a look though.   2/5!

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