O – R-Rated Reviews

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So, we can’t animate fast enough to give you Scream Freaks full blown reviews of all the horror movies we’ve been watching lately, but we can give ya our straight shoot’n thoughts in bite size chunks. We like to think you trust our opinions, but remember, we’re fans of Killer Tomato movies!

Look up a review: # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

OBLIVION (1994)

On a scorched planet in the year 3031, it’s cowboys and aliens as a group of super freak outlaws led by the reptilian Red Eye kill the sheriff of a small western-like town called Oblivion and harass its businesses with a protection racket. Only the sheriff’s son, Stone, has any chance of stoppin’ the desperados, but he needs the help of sci-fi Indians and robo-deputies for overcomin’ his cripplin’ powers as an empath first. A lighthearted fun western with monsters and spaceships, this flick is a very entertainin’ watch for viewers of any age. It’s got western action hyped with special effects, convincin’ heroes fightin’ memorable villains, and never lets a dull moment creep onscreen. Stop-motion critters, girls in leather, whorehouses, old west fans, showdowns, cyborg babes, super men, whips, poisonous frog creatures, deadly bets, shop chaos, giant two-tail scorpions, Lurch undertakers, damsels in distress, George Takei builds gadgets, Isaac Hayes pours drinks, and Julie Newmar plays top pussy cat in the whorehouse! 4/5!

OBLIVION 2 (1996)

Sheriff Stone is still protectin’ the little sci-fi town of Oblivion, and his deputies, space Tonto and robo-redhead, are still after what’s left of Red Eye’s gang from the last flick. Things get shaken up, however, when a shape shiftin’ bounty hunter steers his spaceship into town to collect on a mysterious criminal hidin’ among the townfolk. This sequel doesn’t feel quite as special as the original, and I think it’s because they’re too similar. Starrin’ the same cast on the same sets, the only thing new is the lackluster bounty hunter plot that leaves this feelin’ more like the next episode of a mild TV show than an excitin’ sequel  developin’ characters and expandin’ their story. I think an all new villain or way more conflict between Stone and the bounty hunter could have fixed this. Creature critters, space mines, head morphin’, PSAs ’bout bein’ kind to your local whores, go go gadget hands, penis maps, dicks hacked off, sex and bets, spaceships, alien bounty hunters, group beat downs, giant turtle monsters, strong men, George Takei works on cyborgs, Isaac Hayes plays scared, Julie Newmar’s claws come out in the spotlight, and Andrew Divoff jumps back in the make-up chair to play Red Eye’s mean green brother! 3/5! 

THE OCCULTIST (1989)

In this Full Moon owned flick, a clueless dimwit inherits his dad’s security business in the Caribbean and blunders through a political fiasco with his one mysterious agent blowin’ voodoo villains away with explosive body parts. The script’s convoluted, actor’s fumble through their lines, the fight scenes are a joke, the focus is on the wrong characters, and the heroes have as much personality as stale corn flakes, but dammit if there isn’t some B-trash gold in here with the “Occultist” shootin’ bad guys with his magic feet before wastin’ a restroom full of goons with his dick as a firearm. Human sacrifices, voodoo rituals, faked deaths, big ass mace and chain fights, deadly fingers, bad guys shot up the ass, political massacres, disembowelments, caramel sex with boobs, spring loaded projectile knives, jumpcut explosives, deep fried facials, and suicides! 2/5! 

yoffOFFERINGS (1989)

This flick is essentially a Halloween knock-off I’m surprised John Carpenter hasn’t sued! A mute kid’s knocked down a well by the neighborhood brats and bumps his head so bad he becomes a psycho-killer. Years later, he escapes the mental hospital and seeks revenge on his tormentors while trying to reconnect with this one girl that was nice to him, leaving her mutilated keepsakes on her doorstep. So close to Halloween it’s not even funny, this flick shamelessly steals Carpenter’s script, score, and cinematography without being a spoof. Ashy eggs, mean crones, inappropriate teacher/student sex talk, severed fingers, rolled-up noses, decapitated heads, heads in vices, malfunctioning power tools, sex is shut down for varmint hunting, duck diets, over the top morticians, over the top deputies, pizza with human sausage toppings, impalements, zero gore, overuse of the word “okay,” and Will Wheaton’s fat twin plays a sheriff who steals a little boy’s skin mag collection! 2/5!

OFFICER DOWNE (2016)

Officer Downe is the police force’s toughest cop for takin’ out the city’s nastiest scumwads, because the collective power of the handicap keep juicin’ him back to life like a Frankenstein monster every time he dies. Based on the Image comic, this stylish flick from Slipknot has all the flash of a silly fun time with enough rock and gore, but it emotionally falls flat which will keep it from stickin’ around as a memorable film. You can’t help but think of Robocop when watchin’ this, and how that works better because of the way Murphy is developed before his transformation into somethin’ more than human and the burden that comes with that. Severed hands, explosions, bad ass vehicles, batterin’ ram weapons, prison brawls, cop torture, orgasm counters, head critter honchos, kung-fu gags, Asian boy toys, and handicaps to the rescue! 3/5!

OOGA BOOGA (2013)

After an innocent black man is gunned down by a racist police officer, a malfunctioning slushy machine traps his soul in a Ooga Booga Badass Doll with spear chuckin’ action. Now 13 inches with a grind to axe, he seeks savage revenge against the low brow criminals and corrupt authorities behind his bizarre transformation with the help of his girlfriend. A pretty decent flick, this movie has a convincin’ lead for you to care about and manages to snag some emotions out of ya. Only criticisms would be the varyin’ levels of actin’ that seems all over the place, and the pointless rape scene with Ooga Booga’s girlfriend. I think it’s part of a bigger plan she has for capturin’ the criminals who started Ooga Booga’s problems, but far from the best and most sensible idea that just didn’t pan out in the end. Eye gougin’, bullets to the head, soul swappin’ slurshy machines, topless trailer trash dancin’, boobs in the shower, peepin’ dolls masterbatin’, rape auditions on the street, racial slurs galore, Hambo cameos, plugs for Badass dolls, racist figurines, spears through ears, CGI blood sprays, Stacy Keach cameos, and Karen Black returns to horror for one last go round with a killer doll! 3/5!

OPEN HOUSE (1987)

A bum is fed up with everyone bein’ able to afford a home but him and starts slaughterin’ Adrienne Barbeau’s realtor agents while tauntin’ her talk radio boyfriend over the airwaves for attention. An overall decent flick that breaks away from the expected slasher formula enough to keep you invested, the killer is a clever idea with some gruesome kills but still manages to fall a little flat despite a big monologue at the end. Silliest thing in this flick is its sloppy editin’ with characters unexplainably poppin’ up in different places within a scene, and the moments that beg what the hell the filmmakers were thinkin’. Like I’m still confused about the killer’s involvement with the competin’ realtor tryin’ to screw over Adrienne’s real estate business. And why is a whole swat team filmed hurryin’ to stop the killer to just have a detective walk up to him out of nowhere and blow his brains out point blank . And then, with blood and brains all over the floor, the killer still gets up tryin’ to add more to his kill count. It’s fun, sure, but what the fuck?! Skinny dippin’, yummy dog food with ants, corpses in the shower, messages in blood, failed buddy systems, electrocutions, hangin’s, home invasions, Steve Urkle attire, weapons made of razors on the end of a plunger handle, dominatrix fun, epic sabotage fails, swat teams, shots to the head, decapitations, and Adrienne Barbeau gets topless! 3/5! 

zouijOUIJA: ORIGIN OF EVIL (2016)

A sham of a psychic mama buys her first Ouija board for a prop in her smoke and mirrors act and accidentally invites a pissed off spirit to possess her young’n for murderous ceilin’ crawlin’ hijinks. A perfect example of a superior sequel, this flick is a mixed bag of old supernatural tricks but with a fresh spin thanks to a spot-on cast, creepy special effects, and special attention to period piece details like the film’s use of cigarette burns and beginning with the ’60s Universal Studios lead. Mouths sewn shut, meltin’ nightmares, anaconda jaws, creepy whispers, scary ghosts, stabbin’s, asylums, possessions, young’ns channelin’ different voices, Nazi doctors, slingshots to the face, automatic writing, supernatural peep holes, skeletons in the wall, wall crawlin’, ceilin’ walkin’, floatin’ young’ns, hangin’s, reanimated henchmen, Polish diaries, and ginger kisses! 5/5! 

zombOZOMBIE (2012)

American soldiers fight their way through a zombie infested Afghanistan to put a resurrected Bin Laden in the ground once and for all. Wow, this film sounds crazy but is extremely well-made and is surprising to me it’s still flying under the radar. Beautiful cinematography, brilliantly written characters, and a solid story that’s simple but far from boring. Only flaw is I didn’t think it gave us anything new or special zombie-wise we hadn’t seen before. Jokers, bad-ass blondes with swords, shirtless rescues, head explosions galore, zombie roadkill, zombie terrorist camps, wind chill factories, dog envy, zombie booby traps, helicopter crashes, and zombie freefalls! 4/5!

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