N – R-Rated Reviews

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So, we can’t animate fast enough to give you Scream Freaks full blown reviews of all the horror movies we’ve been watching lately, but we can give ya our straight shoot’n thoughts in bite size chunks. We like to think you trust our opinions, but remember, we’re fans of Killer Tomato movies!

Look up a review: # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

ynailgunNAIL GUN MASSACRE (1985)

Months after construction workers gang rape a woman, they start gettin’ nailed by a masked pun spittin’ vigilante wheelin’ around in a hearse for backwoods blood’n gore justice. This film’s a slow-burn with hambone acting, awkward sex scenes, and a handful of moments that run waaay too long, but it’s bad in a good way and has a memorable killer to boot! Nail gun duels, nailed hands, nailed arms, nailed dicks, nailed heads, boobs, cramp make-out sessions, chainsawed hands, fatal middle-finger hitch hiking, ditch deaths, pool ambushes, fatal freefalls, Evil Dead sound effects, and open season for any poor Texan in the wrong place at the wrong time. 3/5!

dvdnestTHE NEST (1988)

Take everything from Jaws, and make it about mutant cockroaches instead. A tourist island with an upcoming festival is experiencing a nasty flesh hungry pest problem, and its up to a cheating sheriff, a gung-ho exterminator, and the pests’ creator to stop them. Gratuitous shots of dead cats and dogs, a man nibbles cockroach turds, and the mutant roaches are normal size until the 3rd act when we get 3 gory Brundle Fly/Xenomorph puppet beasts with about as much movement as a Mexican action figure. 4/5!

yripperTHE NEW YORK RIPPER (1982)

A Donald Duck impersonator is running around a porno ridden New York City slashing random girls, and the police are having a hard time catching him. A very serious and sensual film, you can’t help but laugh out loud every time the tension is interrupted by the Ripper’s mad quaking and cartoony rants. Live porn performances, sex with cuffs, toe raped women, phone tag, fetch with body parts, doom buggies, nipples split in 2, bushes, gutting, disembowelment, broken bottles to the va jay jay, stabbings, and eye slicing. 3/5!

ynightdemonNIGHT OF THE DEMON (1980)

A college professor takes his students deep into the forest to investigate cold case Bigfoot murders and actually find the uber violent beast along with his fan club and baby mama. Very clever cinematography at times with perfect excuses in the script to fit in lots of over the top Bigfoot kills, this is a great lost in the woods horror that offers plenty of B-movie entertainment! Dick ripping, airborne sleeping bags, impalements, Bigfoot rapes, interspecies births, girl scout stabbings, hypnotic flashbacks, face burnings, disembowelments, rocking vans, burning papas, Bigfoot cults, arm ripping, and Bigfoot vision! 5/5!

x03NIGHT OF THE DEMONS (2009)

An impressive reimagining of the original Night of the Demons from ’88, Angela throws a big ass Halloween party in her Louisiana home which has a history of demonic activity. Returning to complete a ritual for escaping Hell,  screeching demons systematically possesse the remaining party guests with sex and violence, leaving a bodacious last girl to save the day with her wits. The story’s a little too much Tom and Jerry by the end for me, but this is still an impressive film with strong cinematography, fun characters, kick ass soundtrack, and deaths gorehounds are sure to appreciate. Psyche out hangings, breast tentacles, Halloween street justice, face ripping, va jay jay party tricks, demonic Frenching, demonic orgy, deep throating bottles, games of spin the bottle, doggy style transformations, airborne dancing, ass worms, biting skeletons, and a Linnea Quigley cameo! 4/5!

znightkrampNIGHT OF THE KRAMPUS (2013)

In this half-hour short film that’s a sequel to something else called The Night Shift, a paranormal investigator enlists the help of a graveyard worker and his talking skeleton to look into young’n disappearances they suspect Krampus is responsible for. While it’s short, shot on the cheap, and leaves a lot to be desired in its cosplay costume department, this is a respectable piece of work with lots of ambition and a Krampus to be proud of. My only real gripe is how the filmmakers need to do a better job re-introducing the heroes from whatever adventure came before this one, so we know a little more about who they are and what’s goin’ on with them. Summonin’ spells, drainage hideouts, Frenchin’ faces, red-nosed skeleton backpacks, door to door sleuthing . . . 3/5!

z006NIGHTLIGHT (2015)

Some high school teens head into their town’s haunted woods for a night of found footage pranks and games but find out the local legends are real as supernatural forces bring their own twisted sense of fun. A decent film with a creepy moment or two and interestin’ enough characters, but it starts to get old after awhile and loses its tension and momentum toward the end. Flickerin’ flashlights, outrunnin’ trains, abandoned churches, CGI ghosts, killer wolves, batcaves, statue games, truth or dare, hide and seek, fatal freefalls, impalements, dead pack of wolves, and one pet dog who hangs around long enough to be killed at the last minute. 3/5!  

NIGHTMARE BEACH aka WELCOME TO SPRING BREAK (1989)

It’s Spring Break at Daytona Beach, and horny partiers are randomly targeted by a killer biker zippin’ around town with an electric chair rigged to his bike. The tourists’ only hope for survivin’ the week is if a losin’ football player and his emotionless barmaid sidekick can figure out who the killer is before gangs and crooked officials catch them. This is a really fun ’80s flick that delivers a memorable slasher, entertainin’ characters, girls and boobs galore, a rockin’ soundtrack, and lots of so bad it’s awesome moments. My only beef with this is the killer’s inconsistent gimmick for the kills, and how the same songs play EVERY time certain characters come on screen like a comedic theme song. Electrifyin’ bikes, topless beach shows, surfer thieves, extra crispy biker babes, furnace blasts to the face, throats slashes, peepin’ toms, slowest chase scenes ever filmed on a moped, bike wrecks, maced dogs, crooked cover-ups, electric chair executions, elevator ambushes, Easter rubbers, cops dragged behind bikes, suicides, gang violence, and Gators!! 4/5!

ysisNIGHTMARE SISTERS (1987)

Shot in 4 days, this shoestring budget film is about ’80s scream queens Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens, and Michelle McClellan playing sorority nerds who buy a yard sale crystal ball that turns them into skin-flick succubi who like chomping frat’s dicks off like sharks in heat. What could easily be a fun dirty film with plenty of boobs and unforgettable tunes, this movie unfortunately suffers from its rushed filming. Outside the queens, the acting’s shit, the effects are sparse, scenes play waaay to long, and the story is simple but could be more exciting if the majority of the camera work wasn’t the most basic shot/reverse-shot set-up filmmakers learn their first day in film school. Rub-a-dub threesomes, pie covered boobs, Ferris Bueller sleeping gags, homophobia, ashy deaths, crystal ball traps, séances, Twister games, harsh Row Your Boat sing-alongs, Tarzan sex fantasies, spontaneous rock videos, and BDSM! 2/5!

NO TELL MOTEL (2012)

A gang of young ramblers wreck their RV in the boonies and rough it in an abandoned motel full of malicious ghosts preyin’ on their darkest secrets. A pretty solid film, it kicks off on all too familiar steps for a horror, but quickly spins into its own thing with convincin’ characters, real dangers, and twists in the storyline I wasn’t expectin’. The filmmakers definitely knew what they were doin’ from the script to the cinematography and it shows. Flipped RVs, fishin’ pain pills outta toilets, impalements, hit and runs, young’n deaths, overdoses, kidnappin’, childbirths, morphine highs, twisted family drama, baby daddy drama, visits from Aunt Flow, ghost kids, hidden corpses, ghosts stuck on replay, attempted suicides, and the scariest rockin’ horse ever captured on celluloid! 3/5! 

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