K – R-Rated Reviews

logotitle copy3

So, we can’t animate fast enough to give you Scream Freaks full blown reviews of all the horror movies we’ve been watching lately, but we can give ya our straight shoot’n thoughts in bite size chunks. We like to think you trust our opinions, but remember, we’re fans of Killer Tomato movies!

Look up a review: # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

yeyeTHE KILLER EYE (1999)

In this unexpected tentacle porn thriller, a giant crawling eyeball from the 8th dimension breaks into our world thanks to a crackpot scientist’s contraption and sexually assaults everyone in the doc’s building to breed its plan for world domination. It seems too silly to work as well as it does, but this camp erotica flick surprisingly entertains for the most part. The eyeball love scenes run a little long, and you can’t help but laugh at the actresses improvising with such a limited beachball prop, but the acting’s good, story’s fun, and it’s certainly something to add to your “what the fuck” horror list. Spontaneous cast members, softcore eyeball porn, shower scenes, frustrating 3 ways, eyeball lasers, interdimensional jumping, nipple zapping, eyeball rape, a topless Jacqueline Lovell, men caressing their chests, drug dinners, and prego twist endings. 3/5!

zeyeKILLER EYE: HALLOWEEN HAUNT (2011)

Jenna invites her raunchy friends to help decorate her mom’s house for Halloween and piss off a crystal ball security system that manifests the Killer Eye as its ultimate defense against booze, boobs, and boogie dancin’! A very meta approach, it’s not entirely clear whether or not this Killer Eye is “THE” Killer Eye returning for more rape and interdimensional domination or just a supernatural weapon created by the crystal ball after observing the girls ridiculing a copy of the first Killer Eye movie like MST3K amateurs. Regardless, a overall fun movie that just needed more escalating danger with the girls figuring out what’s up and fighting the eye together. Motorboatin’ crystal balls, lots of recognizable Full Moon props, lesbo make-out sessions, hypnotic suggestions, oral fixations, dancin’, party crashers, and eye bashings! 3/5!

KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE (1988)

An interstellar circus tent lands near a small town and one loyal boyfriend with the help of his ice cream truckin’ buddies must save his girl and the rest of the townsfolk from bein’ turned into cotton candy spun snacks for hungry e.t. clowns. This is an instant classic from the ’80s every B-movie fan’s gotta see, because it’s burstin’ with awesome special effects, fun characters worth rootin’ for, and an all around fresh take on the all too familiar small town invasion story. Balloon bloodhounds, nabbed dogs, dangerous shadow puppets, sinister puppet shows, clown girls with bustin’ bosoms, corrosive pies, human puppet shows, giant clown tops, big ass dino-clowns, meltin’ security guards, popcorn guns, e.t. growin’ kernels, pizza delivery ambushes, body snatchin’ parades, ball prisons, compact clown cars, street fightin’ decapitations, and funny road rages! 5/5! 

zkillernerdKILLER NERD (1991)

After Harold Kunkle is beaten and humiliated while tryin’ to pick up chicks at the club with his spiffy new look, it’s no more Mr. Nice Nerd! Mentally unhinged, Harold’s suppressed frustration as a social pariah erupts, and he takes it out on everyone who’s ever wronged him for bein’ a slow talkin’, four-eyed dweeb. This is a home made, Troma acquired flick made on the cheap, but Craven help me, I like it! The characters are quirky but entertaining, the cinematography has merit, and there’s some memorable gore. The only thing worth bitchin’ about is how long it takes for the movie to live up to its title! Baby role-playing, draino drinks, butcher knives to the face, decapitated heads, cut faces, self help tapes to bein’ a ladies man, dancin’ nerds, nerd battle cries, dick jokes, acid meltin’ faces, and a great endin’ with hats made of dynamite! 3/5!

zbrideBRIDE OF KILLER NERD (1992)

Still on the loose and haunted by the victims of his killin’ spree last movie, Harold hits a suicidal low until he meets Thelma, a like-minded high school nerd willin’ to jump between the sheets with him. All’s well and romantic until they’re harshly ridiculed by Thelma’s class bullies at a house party, triggerin’ the awkward couple to double team slashin’ their tormentors! There’s some bad bimbo actin’, and the story doesn’t really develop Harold any, but this is still an impressively well made film that makes me wanna see what these filmmakers can do with a real budget. Dicks bitten off, spit in nerds’ faces, Emily Dickinson fanfare, Psycho nods, rub-a-dub deaths, death beds, flyin’ firewood, boobs in the shower, electrocutions, necromance, butchered haircuts, axes to the face, mental ghosts, impalements, stabbin’s, and a hilariously unforgettable scene with Thelma threatenin’ to pee on her victim! 3/5!

ztongKILLER TONGUE (1996)

Best foreign/sci-fi/prison/romance/horror film I’ve ever seen! A bodacious babe’s pretty face gets invaded by an alien tongue that turns her dogs into flamboyant slaves and makes splatter gore-mets out of the nutty sounding locals. Plenty of original sex acts including the alien tongue fucking its host while still attached to her mouth, lots of zany action, and a satisfactory amount of Robert Englund and Doug Bradley throughout the film. Not for the homophobic, and nothing to see for boob enthusiasts.  4/5!

zkillKILLJOY’S PSYCHO CIRCUS (2016)

Killjoy the demonic clown returns for another wild sequel, and this time he’s struggling with making a living as a half-mortal hosting a late night talk show with his posy of evil clowns. But if buzzed sponsors, obnoxious guests, and raunchy clown romances aren’t enough to deal with, he’s also got psychos from Hell gunnin’ for him in a city destroyin’ spaceship! My favorite series from Full Moon, I’m always impressed with how each Killjoy sequel dares to go in entirely different directions from previous installments and be bigger and crazier than before. Clown porn, laser shoot outs, cream pie suicides, electric chairs, log jammers, meta interviews, space warfare, Flash Gordon nods, baby makin’, demonic councils, Ebee camoes, Gingerdead Man 2 nods, magic mirrors, Independence Day nods, Paris explosions, Iron Man CGI, and Mortal Kombat nods! 4/5!

z11KRAMPUS (2015)

When a family loses the Christmas spirit, their neighborhood’s shut down by Krampus who invades each and every home with an army of monstrous minions to punish the naughty. The best Krampus movie by-far, this hits all the right notes from the humor to the fear,  giving off a very Spielberg vibe. Great story, loveable cast, awesome monsters, disturbing scenes . . . we think Krampus looks too much like a deformed wizard but eh – can’t have everything we guess. Jack in the Box monsters eatin’ youngn’s, teethy teddy bears, deadly gingerbread men, tribal elves, blizzards, hellholes, stop-motion flashbacks, wise grannies, killer tinker bots, youngn’s yanked up chimneys, eerie snowmen, dogs in the AC ducts, and forgivable mulligans! 5/5!

zkrampKRAMPUS 2: THE DEVIL RETURNS (2016)

Krampus is back, and Santa’s making sure he punishes each and every misbehaving brat in Smalltown, USA before their Christmas to dismember is totally dropped for a cops and crooks drama in this backyard shot flick. Seriously, this sequel to a shitty movie starts off with a lot of promise as kids are bagged and beaten by Krampus, but abandons monsters and the holidays halfway through for some barely relevant story about a gang gunning for a cop from the first movie. What the fuck were they thinking?! Abandon house beers, beard yankin’, stabbings, chest carvings, baldy transformations, home invasions, kidnappings, whippin’s, young’ns in cages, head shots, and crook cleavage! 2/5!

zkrampunleasKRAMPUS UNLEASHED (2016)

A family reunites at grandpa’s desert home for Christmas, and the kids accidentally find a summoning stone that unleashes Krampus to tear them limb from naughty limb. Nice effort, but this film leaves a lot to be desired. The backstory is a little convoluted, there’s zip character development, and the Krampus looks good but the filmmakers put zero effort into him as a character from his Michael Myers walk to his uncreative kills. Fat smart-ass youngn’s, trailer trash Big Foot hunters, boobs in the hot tub, vehicular deaths, disembowelments, worst search and rescues ever caught on celluloid, father son bonding over moonshine, stooges head smashing, wild west legends, and explosive cave-ins! 3/5!

Advertisements
TwitterFacebook Youtube
%d bloggers like this: