G – R-Rated Reviews

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So, we can’t animate fast enough to give you Scream Freaks full blown reviews of all the horror movies we’ve been watching lately, but we can give ya our straight shoot’n thoughts in bite size chunks. We like to think you trust our opinions, but remember, we’re fans of Killer Tomato movies!

Look up a review: # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


While doin’ research for his new high brow book in the deserts of New Mexico, an anthropologist enters gargoyle country and must rescue his kidnapped daughter from teachin’ the endangered slow-mo race of demons to read! For a made for TV flick, this is pretty damn good with characters that hold your interest and a nice handful of rubber monster suit scenes thanks to a young and eager Stan Winston. Nothin’ bad to say ’bout this other than it’s a cool watch but kind of lackluster as far as anythin’ bein’ truly memorable for better or worse. Cops ‘n dirt bikers, stunt car chases, destroyed buildin’s, gargoyle skeletons, roadside freakshows, gargoyles galore, kidnappin’s, overturned cars, gargoyle joyrides, monstrous readin’s, flyin’ creatures, and monster eggs waaay bigger than any of the gargoylettes layin’ them! 3/5!  


In this adaptation of a Stephen King story, a couple retreat to their lake house for some raunchy fun, but when the husband drops dead from boner pills, his wife’s still handcuffed to the bed and has to pull a Houdini before hungry mutts and her damaged past get the better of her. This is one of those “person stuck in a situation” kind of flicks I normally avoid, but the filmmakers were resourceful in how they kept the pace and tension up with the wife talkin’ with imaginary versions of her and her husband while goin’ in and out of traumatic memories of her father which I don’t think has a lot to do with the story. The biggest thing that needs to be cut or redone is the mysterious reaper figure that feels like an afterthought draggin’ the endin’ out. Corpse eatin’ dogs who are never hurt, jewelry thievin’ ghosts, car wrecks, perverted dads, dirty secret eclipses, and cringe worthy flesh rippin’! 3/5!

GET OUT (2017)

It’s Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner with a horrific spin as an artistic ebony man meets his new girlfriend’s ivory family and plays polite as long as he can while fearin’ for his life after things get beyond awkwardly suspicious. From the get go, you easily get the gist of the danger and will be bracin’ yourself for what will be happenin’ to the hero. What really keeps you on the edge of your seat is how he’ll get out of it, and who’s in on this sinister plan with rich white folk takin’ advantage of blacks in a way you may not see comin’. The hype for this flick is truly deservin’ and is a remarkable achievement in tension and suspense that’ll leave you yellin’ and cheerin’ at the screen for everyone to get what they deserve by the end. Silent bingo auctions, tea cup triggers, hypnosis, TSA rescues, roadkill deer, stabbin’s with horns, head smashin’s, brain surgeons, head and head stabbin’s, bitter grandpas, flash of seizures, awkward parties, armored kidnappin’s, shots to the gut, car wrecks, and house fires! 5/5!


ParaNorman is all grown up and engineers the end of New York with a shitstorm of malevolent CGI ghosts unless a rebooted gang of paranormal eliminators can stop him. There are just as many pros as there are cons in this mixed bag of pop culture with cool ghosts, busting gear, and haunted situations balancing out stiff jokes, lack of New York energy, and poor chemistry among the core actors. Ozzy concerts, possessed mannequins, she-Slimers, Jaws mayors, ghost chippers, the most forgettable villain EVER, real Ghostbusters cameo deaths, hidden Harold Ramis references, the longest rescue cord in history, and no ghosts above a 5 on the PKE from what I recall. 3/5!

x02GHOSTHOUSE aka Evil Dead 3 in Italy (1988)

Groups of ham radio enthusiasts hear a mysterious frequency calling for help and trace the distress call to an abandoned house haunted by a little girl and her evil clown doll. No one knows if the ghost was luring people there to begin with, but she bids her guests a fatal welcome that turns their rescue mission into supernatural game of survival. This film looks good and starts out strong with interesting enough characters, but the story falls apart half way through with a major loss of tension. Exploding mirrors, fatal fans, stabbings, kiddie burning, psychedelic clowns, rockin’ RVs, obnoxious random hitchhikers, bloody face washes, bad ass babes on bikes, murdered cats, and ghost dogs! 3/5!


An unfortunate tourist is duped into takin’ on the burden of a crazed ghost in Taiwan, and it’s up to her fiancé and his taxi drivin’ sidekick to break its hold before it eats her soul. This Americans haunted in Asia flick looks great, but there’s nothin’ very memorable about it. The horror’s nothin’ we haven’t seen before, there’s no real escalation to the possessed girl’s condition, and even worse, she disappears in the background most the movie as opposed to fightin’ it alongside her fiancé on their quest to defeat it. Fetish houses, Taiwanese strippers, jealous burn victim ghosts, witch doctors, mopeds vs buses, possessions, bird house ghost traps, creepy visions, and we learn to trust Go-Go! 3/5!

yghostGHOSTKEEPER (1981)

A dick of a boyfriend explores the Canadian mountains on a snowmobile with his passive girlfriend and a flirty blonde, and they’re forced to wait out a snowstorm in an abandoned lodge where a hag and her son keep a wendigo in the basement. The movie starts off strong with its setting and characters but goes downhill fast after the first kill. Spoiler alert: There’s ZERO monster action, because the wendigo in the basement is just some dirty lookin’ hobo who does absolutely NOTHING! Dirty stories by the fireplace, strung up deer, impalements, fatal freefalls, ambush in the bath, instant oil face-paint crazies, throat slitting, chainsaw chases, and strained relationships! 2/5!


A meteorite lands in in the middle of farm country and turns out to be a giant sci-fi space spider strippin’ cattle and people to the bone while layin’ diamond crusted spider eggs everywhere. This ain’t the best giant critter flick I’ve seen, but hell, it’s fun to watch for its farm folk drama and ingenuity for MacGyverin’ a giant car-size bug that gobbles people up in an unnervin’ fashion. The cherry on top of this space spider epic is Skipper from Gilligan’s Island bein’ cast as the town’s sheriff and comin’ off more like a commercial spittin’ comedian. Chewed up cattle carcasses, butt cracks, regular ass spiders, hand puppet spiders, explosions, weed farmin’, diamond swindlin’, intense scenes of scientists on the verge of kissin’, lessons in how to flirt with your cousin, spider meltdowns, barmaid affairs, farmers eaten whole by giant spiders, and spider lynch mobs! 3/5!

zgoodGOOD TIDINGS (2016)

It’s Die Hard with slasher Santas as 3 limping psychos crash a squatters’ Christmas and deck the halls with the blood of bums. Well shot in a fancy courthouse setting with semi-likeable characters you can invest in, my only criticism of this holiday horror is the overall lack of story. Much like a Tom & Jerry cartoon, it’s simply people fighting to survive Christmas Eve against crazed Santas randomly attacking them. Eyes gouged with candy canes, head bashings, hangings, decapitations, joyrides, booby traps, bomb scares, axe murders, machete choppin’, brains in pipes, dislocated arms, dumpster diving, bumtrayal, fatal lullabies, jury of the dead, and hostages forced to make-out with decapitated heads under the mistletoe. 3/5!

ymommyGOODNIGHT MOMMY (2014)

A movie that keeps ya watchin’ ’til the end, because you wanna understand what the hell’s going on! Twin youngn’s in Germany are paranoid their recovering mama ain’t their real mama and go to some Misery inspired measures to get the screaming truth. Beautifully shot and cleverly edited, this is one of those movies with an ending that’ll either have you saying, “Oh!” or, “This fucking shit again?!” Dead cats, jars of yummy bugs, booga booga masks, the most intrusive donation collectors ever, bubble swing chairs, and sheet soaked bed wetting. 3/5!


The title’s a little misleadin’, ’cause when recently orphaned David and Lynn move into their grandparent’s home on an orange farm, it’s their grandpappy who’s up to no good as David keeps walkin’ in on him beatin’ and hidin’ a mysterious woman. Sneakin’ around for answers, the two siblin’s gotta solve the mystery before their suspicious pop-pop goes homicidal on their asses. This flick may favor a mystery thriller more than a horror with its bare minimum bloodshed and zip nudity, but it successfully maintains a tension that keeps you hooked with tryin’ to figure out what’s goin’ on. Problem is, when the truth’s revealed, the movie ends on a really bad note after such a great build-up. Biggest sweet is Brinke Stevens as the mystery lady, who I think really missed her callin’ as a horror villain, ’cause she’s got that creepy stare down! Mulligan dreams, roof stunts, fallen grannies, awkward pool flirtin’, bloated bodies, wreckless bus-drivers, rocket defenses, explosions, and hack ‘n slashin’! 3/5! 

GRANNY (1999)

A group of yahoos initiate a new girl into their group with a late night game of killer granny, drivin’ the newbie to come up with her own bullshit story twists. There’s some decent chemistry among the actors, but the lightin’ and camera work is pretty amateur with sloppy special effects to boot in this Z-grade VHS shot flick. If you enjoy mulligan movies like April Fool’s Day and killers in Halloween granny drag, then this might be up your alley. Jackson Pollock bloodspray, murdered shadows, strangulations, axes to the head, fake funerals, and people sayin’ “paranoid” like it’s goin’ outta style! 2/5!  

xgravyGRAVY (2015)

A sophisticated gang of cannibals trap a well rounded group of victims in a Mexican restaurant on Halloween night, forcing them to play 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon to win their way off the menu. Excellent characters with fun twists and turns in the story, I felt this film’s only shortcoming for being a total success was how it rode the fence too much between horror and comedy when it really needed to go full force in either direction. And it sounds petty, but I really wish the cannibals were wearing more memorable Halloween costumes which would’ve helped people remember this flick for years to come. 3/5!

ygreenTHE GREEN INFERNO (2013)

Some college activists crash land in the middle of cannibal country and fight to stay off the menu of the very savage tribe they were there to save. One of the most fucking intense horror flick’s I’ve seen in a long time, Eli Roth masterfully keeps you on the edge of your seat as your nerves tear you apart watching each unfortunate victim wait their turn to be the main course. Effective directing combined with a air tight script that’s everything a true horror should be. Plane crashes, bodily dismemberments, decapitations, impalements, suicides, sick shits, ants in pants, eye gouging, genital mutilation, dick peeks, inappropriate masturbating, vomiting, stoned escapes, blow darts galore, human barbeque, Ed Gein décor, and flesh hungry young’ns! 5/5!

z08GREMLINS (1984)

When a father gives his son an Asian critter for Christmas with 3 simple rules, he breaks everyone of them without fail and accidentally ruins a small town’s Christmas with a destructive army of cackling critters. What can you say about this flawless flick other than mogwais are cute, gremlins are hilariously scary, and we want more! Spiteful spittin’, dog decorations, gadget cons, microwave deaths, blender deaths, explosions, fun times spawning at the YMCA, toy store showdown, decapitations, meltdowns, sad Santa stories, airborne crones, Flashdance nods, creature carolers, flashers, cocoons, clawing, Christmas tree ambush, busted doohickies, and snowplows through the living room! 5/5!

GRIZZLY (1976)

Followin’ the plot of Jaws, a ranger argues with his manager to kick tourists out of their national park after they find evidence of a killer grizzly on the loose. After enough hidey-ho campers get mauled, things are finally taken seriously and the ranger hunts the 15-20 ft teddy with the help of a helicopter pilot and a Grizzly Adams/Quint knock-off. Despite all the similarities to Jaws, this is a great film with strong characters, a powerful score, and epic cinematography that captures the unnervin’ beauty of the outdoors.  I still think Prophecy (1979) is the best killer bear movie, but this is right behind it! Animal cosplay, children’s limbs bein’ swatted off, fatal bear hugs, bears vs helicopters, cub cannibalism, rambunctious hunters, whitewater getaways, waterfall ambushes,  bears vs bazookas, folks buried alive, fatal freefalls, bears vs watchtowers, mauled campers, and grizzly vision! 5/5!


A she-grizz is maulin’ people around a park gettin’ ready for the worst concert ever, and a werewolf lookin’ ranger’s gotta beat poachers to puttin’ her down with the help of a diehard bear lover and a grizzly killin’ Frenchie with super powers. This film has yet to be officially released thanks to a troubled production followed by bein’ passed around to failin’ distributors, but people can find bootlegs of a workprint that was discovered with most the film edited together minus the majority of the live action bear footage. So, reviewin’ this ain’t the easiest since it’s technically unfinished, but I don’t think it lives up to the success of the first flick regardless. Lots of interestin’ dynamics with different animal philosophies goin’ head to head with animal lovers fuedin’ with hunters who are fuedin’ with poachers, but I ultimately don’t care for the characters overall and think the super powered Frenchie played by John Rhys-Davies is a little much with him throwin’ trees around and wrestlin’ bears the size of pick-ups with his bare hands. My biggest gripe, however, is with the concert. It has some of the worst, most putrid tunes that are sure to make your ears bleed and doesn’t really have anything to do with the bear other than set the stage for its swan song behind the scenes. Until that final scene, they have nothin’ to do with one another, and the concert’s never even in danger of bein’ shut down because of the wild grizz. Pitfalls with stakes, clobbered rangers, songs about coconut milk, Grizzly Adams wannabe vs man in a grizzly bear suit, vengeful poachers, wrecked jeeps, explosions, grizzly vision, mauled campers, impalements, and mechanical bears stuck in concert lights! 3/5! 

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