Howdy there, Scream Freaks! Christmas is closing in on us once again, but it’s okay, because everyone’s been preparing for it since September! And while there’s those snuggled in their eyesore homes, eagerly waiting for their annual holiday viewing of the Grinch or Elf, we know you’re spikin’ that ‘nog and poppin’ in something a little scarier. From killer Santas to mutant snowmen, plenty of Christmas lores have been twisted into some form of sick horror entertainment, and we’ve seen our fair share of it!
In the spirit of a Christmas to dismember, we decided to share with you a small list of Christmas horror movies we think are worth your time as you count down the nights ’til you can rip those gifts out from under that tree. They have strong Christmas themes in them from the killers to the music and settings, just enough to keep you in the spirit of the season . . .
Not the young’ns’ version with Michael Keaton resurrected as a friendly snowman, but the adult version with a fugitive serial killer transformed into living snow like a comic book villain. Known for its scene with him raping Shannon Elizabeth in the shower with his carrot nose! 4/5!
TV’s Grizzly Adams plays a mall Santa fighting Nazis and their elaborate plans for world domination with a killer rubber elf. 3/5!
Wrestling’s Goldberg gives his greatest performance as a Krampus-like Santa who tears through a small town in search of the angel who cursed him to deliver gifts to good youngn’s for a millennia. Nothing but sick Christmas fun here with great characters, hell deer, strip clubs, stop-motion flashbacks, and over the top kills with one of the best opening scenes you’ll ever see! 5/5!
The best Krampus movie by-far, this hits all the right notes from the humor to the fear, giving off a very Spielberg vibe. Great story, loveable cast, awesome monsters, disturbing scenes . . . we think Krampus looks too much like a deformed wizard but eh – can’t have everything we guess! 5/5!
The original Black Christmas was creepier with its unexplained killer, but we enjoy this remake because it treats the killer like a Batman villain with his discolored skin, fucked up origin story, and escape from an insane asylum. Doesn’t hurt there’s plenty of eye candy as well, like Katie Cassidy and Michelle Trachtenberg. 4/5!
This film only made our list because of how unexpected it is at times, searing bizarre images in our brain we’ll never forget. A toy maker and his son are terrorizing families with killer toys, and one particular family becomes their target because they’re living in their old house they lost due to hard times. Most memorable scene is when one particular toy tries bangin’ the mom toward the end. 3/5!
Do I really need to explain this one? A son gets a magic critter for Christmas that accidentally spawns nastier critters that run amok, ruining everyone’s Christmas in a small town. 5/5!
A reboot for the Silent Night Deadly Night series, this version focuses on a hot cop looking for a killer Santa in a festival of St. Nicks. Good actors, slick cinematography, and Malcolm McDowell spits lines worthy of t-shirts and fridge magnets. 4/5!
In a moment of weakness, Full Moon let the Sci-fi Channel play with their toys and this guilty pleasure happened. It’s a suck-ass Puppet Master sequel but a fun Demonic Toys story with them trying to take over the world Christmas Day unless the puppets can stop them with new robot upgrades. 3/5!
Our favorite Christmas horror film, we watch this every Christmas Eve before hitting the dirt! It’s ’80s, it’s vicious, it tells the story from the killer’s point of view, and you get Scream Queen Linnea Quigley killed topless! Win win! 5/5!
And there you have it. Our favorite holiday horrors to roast your chestnuts over. While they’re not at the very top of our favorites list, we will mention other Christmas horror films worth watching for your sick pleasure like Don’t Open ’til Christmas, Black Christmas (1974), Santa Clause Conquers the Martians, All Through the House, Scrooged, Christmas Horror Story, Santa Klaws, Maniac Cop 2, and Rare Exports. And if you’re really digging deep for more yuletide punishment, I’ll give you fair warning to avoid flops like Silent Night Deadly Night 3-4, Blood Beat, Silent Night Bloody Night, and Krampus 1-2 (2013 & 2016).
Other than that, be sure to watch our epic Season 3 finale with our review of the Basket Case trilogy while having our final showdown with Buzzkill, catch up on all past Screaming Soup! Seasons, check out this week’s Howl’n Hottie, read recent reviews for the newer horror films we’re watching in our R-Rated Reviews blog, and help us get the word out about the web’s #1 animated horror host show! Please use our social buttons in the upper right corner of the site and follow our tweets, subscribe to our Youtube channel, like our Facebook, watch and share all our vids, and keep that fan mail coming.
We’ll see ya later, Scream Freaks!